So much has happened since I’ve last been on here. I keep saying I’m gonna be on this more often and then I end up not doing what I said. I’m sorry! So I wanted to share this with you guys that I have been meaning to share. So at my church when my dad was the Youth Leader for that period, he had all of us write ourselves a letter that we will see on that day a year from now. “Just write whatever you feel like writing, anything that comes to mind that you wanna remember later on.” I wrote myself a letter of course and after I forgot about the Letter until a year later when it was time to read them again. As I read it I started crying because there were things I was going through at the time that I hadn’t let go of. I was keeping everything i felt about something or someone inside and it hurt the most to keep it inside. I learned to speak my feeling little by little, and yes there are times when tend to sound sarcastic and it goes the wrong way and then I just breathe and let it go.
Around that time when I wrote this letter two of my sisters and I were molested by a cousin that was staying with us at the time. We did take him to court and things got taken care of. After all that happened I thought I was okay to be in a relationship, so I started dating this guy and he was the sweetest but there moments when he would just touch my shoulder or my arms and I would flinch and get a little tense. At first I thought it was nothing but one day in school I was thinking about it with a friend of mine and I finally realized what the problem was and broke down right then and there at school in front of everybody. I started to distance myself with him and I hated to do that, I didn’t want him to think it was his fault. It wasn’t! It was my cousins! And because of him I let my cousin get to me and I ended the relationship. So part of that letter had to do with that situation and me not being able to be comfortable around guys.
Another part was when I was trying to see who my real friends were. I was doing pros and cons between everybody and I figured the friends I have in my church are all I really need and can depend on. Don’t get me wrong I’m still in touch with my old friends I used to hangout with all the time. But for some people are better kept at a distance. And I’ve learned that the hard way. For me I let people step over me and I let it slide ALL the time. I give them my ALL in the friendship and in return I’m given 30-45% from them. I finally learned to step up for myself (still working on that). Yes I’ve lost some of closest people who I thought would be there for more than planned but things happen and people change.
This part is being loved by all my parents. Yes I have four parents. My biological parents and then my stepdad and step mom. For me at one point I felt like I wasn’t good enough for there love. If that makes sense. I wasn’t doing anything with myself at the time. I wasn’t working, I wasn’t going to school. I was sleeping in till whenever I decided to get up, going to bed at whatever time I decided to go to sleep. And than out of nowhere there was an opening for me to work at Forever 21. And I took it! I started to feel better, I was doing something with myself! I wasn’t sleeping in anymore. I could see that they were happy that I was doing something and just hearing that made me happy and it pushed me to do more!
And last I was just praying to grow closer with my faith. I wanted to feel more and I do.
Whenever I am dealing with a problem with my sisters or any of my parents,or friends. I think about my letter or I will even pull it out and read it. And just by reading it, it gives me hope for the future on every part I wrote about. One day I will be loved by someone and I won’t feel scared. I will continue with the friendship I have with my friends. I will try to continue to make my parents proud and earn their love. Every time I read my letter I cry and know everything will be okay. Jesus Christ is still with me.
The reason I’m sharing this with you guys, is because I encourage you to write yourself a letter, whatever you want to say, say it. It doesn’t matter how long or short it is. Read it a year from now or 5 or 10 years from now and see how so much has changed. Trust me you will be shocked when you decide to read it, and how it came at the time of your life to read it. That’s exactly what happened to me. I was feeling off about some things and I didn’t know what to do and one day my sister said “Hey its time to read our letters!” So we all got our letters and read them and after reading my letter I started crying and just said “I needed to read this especially today.”
Go On Write Yourself A Letter!
As always, Have A Blessed Day!